Was it worth it?

It's been 5 years. Almost hard to imagine it was that long ago. I remember it very well. I had a white T-shirt with the words "I won't be happy until I kill again" printed all in black bolded capital lettering across the front. Under it I drew an American flag. The red permanent marker I used to draw the stripes bled some into the white cloth. It wasn't intended, but it made the flag appear to be soaked with blood. It went perfect with the bucket of blood I planned to carry.

It wasn't really blood. I mean who would be able to get a gallon of blood? It was tomato soup. Still, it was red, and a relatively close consistency. It was blood to anyone else.

I went downtown in Chico, the small northern California town I lived in while in college. There were large protests going on a few hours away in San Francisco, and I had thought about going there. But I figured there were enough people protesting there. There weren't enough up here.

I walked past the little shops and restaurants that lined the main drag, pulling a soaked sponge out of my bucket and squeezing it onto the sidewalk. Puddles of blood marked my trail. Parents and little kids alike gave me puzzled looks as to what I was doing, and what I was spilling out. Nobody seemed to realize what was about to hit them.

I met up with a group of about 50 protesters. I somewhat knew about 15 of them from school. We had planned to meet downtown on the day the invasion started, and start our protest march. It was good to see that more people showed up than I had expected. They were already there at the city park, waving flags and holding signs. A bullhorn echoing statements reflecting our anger.

This wasn't an organized protest. We didn't know when the war was going to start, and we couldn't get permits from the city to march on its streets. But we could no more plan this protest than we could stop it.

We hit the streets about 6 blocks down from the heart of the main downtown area. We marched on the sidewalks, shouting and yelling for anyone who might be within earshot. People gave us some dirty looks. Some honked and waved in support. I was surprised about 2 blocks down to realize that more people were actually joining us. By about the 4th block, our line of protesters stretched for nearly 2 blocks. More college kids had joined our ranks. But there were also middle-age folk, who looked to have just come out of one of those shops or restaurants we were passing.

And then we reached the main intersection. By this time a few police officers in cars or on motorcycle had joined our march. Well, not joining it per se, but walking with us to make sure no laws were being broken, and nobody was jumping out into the street. Chico's main drag consisted of 2 one-way streets going in opposite directions. We started our march heading up the street going in to town. That was the busiest one.

Our plan was to reach this intersection, and then cross over the other street and march back down. And maybe do this circuit a couple of times. But as a few of the more vocal protesters started across the street, some redneck guy in an old beat-up Ford pickup truck started honking and trying to drive through the line of protesters. This started a commotion and would change the course of the day for all of us.

It started with one guy. He was in front of the truck as it tried to push its way through the crowd. As we all ran in front of the truck to make sure it didn't move, he sat down. And then a girl that was marching by his side sat down next to him. And then two more joined him. Right in the middle of the crosswalk.

Then I sat down.

The police who were not far, came and saw what was going on. They directed the man in the truck and the numerous cars behind him down a side street. They told us what we were doing was illegal and we needed to get up. But we were strong. We didn't move.

We were sitting some 30 people deep. All spread out across the street. The police moved a block down from us and started diverting traffic. So we took over the whole intersection. A group of us sat down in the middle while many more danced and shouted around us. Word was quickly spreading of what was happening, and it seemed like within no time the crowd around us ballooned. The police didn't know what to do.

This lasted about 30 minutes. During which time the police had started increasing their ranks. They had brought out the riot cops, with shields and face masks, forming a line across one side of the intersection. A group of the commanding officers sat kitty-corner to them putting their heads together while looking at us, figuring out their strategy. All around us, the streets and sidewalks were filled with people.

"What you are doing is illegal, and you need to clear this intersection," shouted the commander after walking up to us. "If you do not leave, you will be arrested."

With that he turned and walked back to his cabal. The lady who ran the local Peace & Justice center, who helped organize this march, went to the police officers to talk to them. We didn't budge.

Again the police officer addressed us, this time from his position on the sidewalk with the help of a bullhorn. "If you do not want to be arrested, you need to move to the sidewalks. Anyone blocking the street or in the crosswalk will be arrested."

With that pronouncement, our strength splintered. The people dancing and marching around all started moving to the sidewalk. Half our group of sitters began standing up, curious if anyone would be willing to get arrested. "I don't want to get arrested," I told the guy sitting next to me as I slowly stood up and started making my way to safety.

The thoughts going through my head were fear of the unknown. How would an arrest look on my record? What impact would this have on my future career or life in general? What would happen to us? Was it worth it?

I glanced at another girl who was walking away. "I want to be a school teacher. I can't get arrested here today." I nodded that I understood. I tried to think of my excuse to respond, but I couldn't. The only excuse I had was fear.

So I stopped.

I turned around and went back and retook my place in the circle. "Fuck it," I said with a grin to the guy next to me. I couldn't let fear be my excuse. Everyone was scared, from the people sitting here, to the people protesting in San Francisco and across the country. The US soldiers invading Iraq and the Iraqi people were all fearful. But we all had to face our fears, and do what we needed to.

The police in riot gear encircled us. A school bus had been parked in one of the side streets. Then a group of three officers approached one of the girls with us. They riot-cuffed her hands, and walked her off to the bus. Then the guy next to her. They dragged him off. The Peace & Justice lady shouted to us, "Don't resist or they'll add that to the charges against you. Get up and walk to the bus."

One by one they came for us. When it was my turn, I smiled. I wasn't scared or fearful. I was proud. This needed to be done, and I was proud that I was strong enough to do it. The riot-cuffs hurt, and the police were anything but gentle. But it was all worth it.

After the last of us were on the bus, we departed to cheers and shouts from our supporters in the streets. We each had about 8 hours of dealing with asshole cops and following strict rules ahead of us at the county jail. But as I looked around at my fellow protesters I saw only proud faces. There was no fear or regret. We knew the sacrifice we made today was small compared to what was happening half a world away. And we each hoped, and I think KNEW, that what we had done would be something we could be proud to say we did.

And here we are 5 years later. Over 60% of US Citizens now feel this war was a mistake and we shouldn't have gone in. We were right. It was a mistake that should never have been made. And although we were right, there's no pride in knowing it. Even though we were right, nearly 4000 US Soldiers, and tens of thousands of Iraqi civilians have paid the ultimate price for this mistake. There can be no pride in that.

UPDATE: So today we take to the streets again. And I see the same fears and pride in pictures of protesters being arrested. They are right. We are right. We must fight on.

An open letter to Hillary Clinton.

Dear Hillary,

I mean this with all do respect. Please concede the Democratic primary to Barack Obama. You have lost. You are hanging on to a faint notion that you might bloody Obama so much that your margins in the final primaries will push you above him in popular votes and delegates. Or, that your momentum might persuade enough super-delegates to vote for you to give you the win. Either way, you are destroying the Democratic party's chances of winning in November.

Look, there are only two outcomes to this. One, that you'll lose anyway. In that case, you've only successfully helped John McCain in his fight against Obama, and bettered McCain's chances of winning in November. Although your recent statements lead me to think otherwise, I don't think you really believe having McCain in the oval office would be better than having Obama there.

The second outcome is that you'll actually win the nomination. But at what cost? You'll have dissuaded the large number of new, and newly active, Obama supporters. They'll view your win as dirty-tricks, or the underhanded tactics of a political party they had hoped might actually change to support a new, fresh, candidate. You'll help to realize their fears, that being involved in politics really doesn't make a difference.

Everyone has done the "math" on this race, and knows full well that your chances of winning are next to impossible. Obama leads you in pledged delegates (with or without including super-delegates). He leads you in the popular vote. He leads you in the number of primaries won, the number of caucuses won, the number of States won (the number of both "Red" and "Blue" States), and he has raised millions more than you from his millions of donating supporters. What is it you know that keeps you in this?

There is something to be said for someone who doesn't give up in the face of defeat. But as we've seen too many times with President Bush, going forward in doing something that you think is right, when everything and everyone is saying otherwise, isn't a positive trait. We've lived through nearly eight years of wrong-headed stubborn leadership. We don't need more of the same.

I speak for myself only, but as an example of what I'm sure others are feeling. Everything you've done between Ohio and now has turned me off to the possibility of voting for you in November. I used to be one of those who supported Obama but thought that you and he would be great choices for our party. Then you turned negative. And not just negative, but down-right dirty. As your campaign says, you threw the kitchen sink at Obama. Even so, you still didn't gain any noticeable ground on his lead. All you managed to do was lower his polling advantage against McCain in a head-to-head match up. As much as I dislike the thought of having McCain win, I will simply not vote if you are our party's nominee. I'm sorry. But you have brought this on yourself.

The one saving grace for you, Hillary, is to bow out of this race before the convention. Work out a deal with Obama where you become his VP, or just realize this isn't working and drop out. That, or reverse course and turn your fight against McCain. There is no disgrace in losing this race. By conceding, you will restore my respect for you, and I would enthusiastically support you as Obama's VP.

Again I ask you, for the sake of our party and the sake of our country, please Hillary, drop out.

Sincerely,
Jason Holderness
San Diego, CA

Add it up

Ed Rendell was on Meet the Press last Sunday making the argument that what matters most is winning the big States, which Tim Russert called a "strong argument." I just saw Christ Mathews on Hardball making the position that Super-delegates should go for whichever candidate wins the popular vote, and disregard the delegate count. This is typical pro-Clinton news-spin, that's all over NBC (save for Keith Olbermann who says it like it is).

But let's just take the numbers as they stand for the "big" States so far:

State	Obama	Clinton
California	2,126,000	2,553,000
Texas	1,358,000	1,459,000
New York	698,000	1,003,000
Illinois	1,302,000	662,000
Ohio	982,000	1,212,000
Georgia	704,000	330,000
New Jersey	492,000	603,000
Virginia	627,000	350,000
Washington	354,000	316,000
Total	8,643,000	8,487,000

---------

California 167 . . . . . . 203
Texas 99 . . . . 94
New York 93 . . . . 139
Illinois 104 . . . 49
Ohio 66. . . 75
Georgia 60 . . . 27
New Jersey 48 . . . . 59
Virginia 54 . . . . 29
Washington 53 . . . 25

Total 744 . . . 700


So as it stands now, for the "big" States, Obama has won MORE people, and MORE delegates. So according to their argument, Obama has won both categories as a whole, and should be the winner.

Well, that's another fine mess you've gotten us into

What to do about Florida & Michigan? It's all the talk of the Democratic party these days. The conundrum is centering around Hillary's inability to close ranks on Obama's delegate lead. Her only hope is to try to force the primaries of Michigan and Florida to count. Of course this would only favor her, and give her a boost past Obama. But is it fair to count an election where in one case, the only name on the ballot is Hillary Clinton, and in the other, people were told not to bother voting because it wouldn't count?

In Michigan, the rules were not to file to put your name on the ballot, and not to campaign there. Hillary, while not campaigning there, got her name on the ballot. No other Democratic candidate did. So to count this election would be akin to the likes of Saddam Heussein in his last election, or Fidel Castro in his. Having only one name on the ballot doesn't mean the person with the most votes, (or the only person with votes), is who the voters really wanted. It was their only choice. That's not democracy.

I guess you could work out a deal where Obama gets all the people who voted for "Uncommitted", but I'm sure some of them were John Edwards or Kucinich supporters, and they'd balk at the idea that Obama would get their vote. So the only fair solution, besides sticking to the rules set out for it not to count, would be for a re-vote. It seems the best and easiest way would be mail-in ballots.

In Florida, we have a slightly different scenario. All the major candidates were on the ballot, but nobody (excluding a private function with Hillary) campaigned there. In fact, the turnout in Florida was one of the lowest percentage turnout so far in the primaries. People were told not to bother voting because it wouldn't count. So does that sound fair to suddenly turn around and count them? It seems like to do so would disenfranchise a large number of voters who would then feel like they were hoodwinked in to not voting.

Again, short of sticking to the rules and not counting Florida at all, the only fair solution is to hold another re-vote. Again, the easiest way to do that would be mail-in ballots.

Of course this could all be avoided if Hillary would just admit she has been defeated. We could get on with the battle against John McCain, and not risk our chance of winning the White House. But the Clinton's have never been ones to play fair, and let things die. And now I'm beginning to understand the reason why the Republican's HATED Bill Clinton so much.

Hillary is a monster, and we all know it. She is risking the White House for the Democrats by playing dirty to defeat Obama. She still believes if she injures Obama badly enough, she can clinch the nomination. But by doing so, she will have turned off so many of the new voters that have been brought in to this election by Obama. And I'm sure she's okay with that, as long as she believes she can still defeat McCain.

The problem that Hillary doesn't want to face, is that she's not going to win. And, like George W Bush, she doesn't want to see the reality, but instead futilely fight on. Even if she wins Florida and Michigan, like Texas and Ohio, her margins would most likely be too small to give her any net gain. And by the time the DNC figures out how to fix this mess, any "momentum" she might claim from those victories will be too late for anyone to notice except maybe some of her most die-hard super-delegates.

Give up Hillary. Save some face, and keep the Clinton legacy somewhat intact. If you play nice now, maybe YOU could be on the ticket as VP.

Family Values Politics

I was reading the GL Times (a local gay/lesbian rag), and this week's main theme is gays and religion. There was a news story about a case in the California courts on gay marriage, and whether its a legal issue or a voting issue. It's in the courts right now, and they're set to decide it in a few months. Anyway a "family-friendly" group is trying to get a ballot measure in the upcoming election banning same-sex marriage. I have a feeling, like abortion, this is an issue that will never die.

So I was thinking about what to do if I see one of these people out gathering signatures for their ballot initiative. And this is what I've come up with. If someone asks to sign this initiative, I'll first ask them what it's about. Then they'll tell me something about how marriage is an institution for a man and woman only. They'll ramble on about how children need a healthy family consisting of both a mother and a father. And that's when I'll stop them and say this:

"Wait.. If heterosexual families are so healthy, why do 99.9% of all gays and lesbians come from heterosexual families?"

I figure that they'll respond by saying something either about homosexuality being a choice, or that the families these homosexuals grew up in weren't healthy, maybe having only a single parent. And then I'll ask them:

"So what you're saying is that heterosexual families aren't all that healthy either? Or that single-parent families aren't a good environment to raise kids in? So maybe the ballot initiative you should be supporting is to take kids away from non-healthy families, or single-parents, of course determined by our government?"

We'll see how they respond to that one.... lol